Bringing Back the Mammoth

Japanese scientists (who else) announced last week they were attempting to Jurassic Park the wolly mammoth.



From the Daily Yomiuri Online:

A team of researchers will attempt to resurrect the species using cloning technologies after obtaining tissue this summer from the carcass of a mammoth preserved in a Russian mammoth research laboratory. It has already established a technique to extract DNA from frozen cells.
"Preparations to realize this goal have been made," said Prof. Akira Iritani, leader of the team and a professor emeritus of Kyoto University.
Under the plan, the nuclei of mammoth cells will be inserted into an elephant's egg cells from which the nuclei have been removed to create an embryo containing mammoth genes.

Not only are the Japanese doing something out of a Gozilla movie, but they even talk in hilarious syntax like a Japanese scientist - "preparations to realize this goal have been made." 

I thought scientists messing with nature in hilariously foolhardy ways where their own creations will destroy them had gone the way of the dodo.  But no! Enjoy being trampled by your half-mammoth half-elephant, all-evil monster, Science. 

Penalty For Ugliness In Kentucky? Death!

Imagine you find a magical, hairless, possible cryptid just hanging out minding his own business in your backyard. What would you do? Shoot him? If you are Hillbilly Pepaw Mark Cothern you would. Seriously, what a dick. Now they think they've solved the Chupacabra mystery but I'm not so sure.



I honestly don't think this thing is a raccoon with a skin problem. If I were Mark I'd be sleeping with one eye open, you know this Chupacabra's cousins are gonna be driving by with no lights on real soon.

Read more here.

Dead Birds, Dead Fish, Snooki's New Book WHAT IS HAPPENING

Well guys, I'm sure by now you've heard about all the birds and fish dropping dead around the world since the beginning of the new year. What the fuck is going on here? If this is the end of the world then I'm going to be real PISSED. First of all I haven't rode a Segway while wearing clear stripper heels or had sex with Andre 3000 yet. I have a lot of work to do on this fine earth before we explode you guys.

But on the real, just what is causing all of this? Conspiracy theorists from around the internets are blaming it on the BP oil spill, the John P Wheeler situation (INTERESTING), the New Madrid fault line (VERY BELIEVEABLE), of course HAARP aka the high powered transmitter in Alaska, and Snooki's new book (JK on that last one). Scientists are still conducting tests on the animals but do point out that this usually occurs as a result of disease. UGH WHO KNOWS?! The scariest thing to me is this is the sort of shit that increases paranoia and it's the cray peeps who we have to worry about the most.

Well whatever is happening, I'm just going to become real slutty.