Mel's Hole (No Not That One)

Recently on route to the airport, my dad told me about a bunch of Coast to Coast AM stories giving me new topics to chat about here on ACC which is very necessary to push down that horrific post I wrote about human tails below!! I have to admit that was the first time I have ever grossed myself out with one of my own blog posts. I'm sure I've grossed out many of you before but this was the first time for me!



First we will talk about Mel's Hole. I know, it already sounds sick and disturbing but we are not talking about that assholio Mel Gibson's hellmouth. Sidebar I just heard those cray tapes. DEMON!! How can someone who made the 90's tear jerkers Los Mang Without a Face and Forever Young be such a dick!!


Sorry to digress into celeb gossip up in here for a mome. Mel's Hole actually refers to a giant mysterious hole a man named Mel Waters discovered on his land in eastern Washington state. It apparently has infinite depth and brings dead animals back to life. SAY WUT.

The hole was on the land before Mel had it, and people would throw their old garbage and refrigerators down there but it never filled up. Animals wouldn't go near it and a neighbor of Mel's supposedly threw his dead dog down it only to see the same dog running in the woods later. MLORD PET CEMETARY STATUS!!!

Mel wanted to do some tests so he first tied some Life Savers candy onto a string and lowered it 1500 ft to see if there was any water below that would dissolve the candy. He pulled it up after awhile and the candy remained intact except all of the pineapple ones were missing!!! Just kidding about the last part. THEN he dropped fishing line FIFTEEN MILES LONG into the hole and still hadn't reached the bottom. Around this time he went on Coast to Coast to tell his tale. Afterwards too much cray happened... the govs seized his property, paid him 250k per month for it, moved him to Australia, then he came back, got beat up and his teeth removed (by the gov prob), was invited to an Injun reservation in Nevada to talk about plants pero he ends up finding ANOTHER HOLE that is almost exactly identical to the one found on his land back home. PLE WHAT?! WHAT ARE THE CHANCES!?

The injuns lowered a sheep into the second hole and when they brought it back up it was dead but the insides were COOKED. They cut it open and inside was a seal-like creature with BIG CARIBBEAN BLUE HUMAN EYES!!!!!!! Obviously I think of something like this lil' guy...


They all have a staring game with the creature until it gives them a look like "Later, James Spader" and jumps back into the hole. WAT IS GOING ON !?!

They also find some sort of ice-like material inside the hole except its HOT and on FIYAH. One mang brings it back to his house to warm his stove and the fire never goes out. Any moisture near the material is sucked out so the man was PARCHED and had dry skin (and probably dandruff)

So obviously I am finding all of this hard to believe. Having one giant hole in your backyard is one thing, but ALL OF THIS!! Also some things to note...Mel found a red envelope containing some old dimes with Roosevelt minted on them and the date 1943...HOWEVER, that was before those dimes were minted. Someone said "PARALLEL UNIVERSE?!" Apparently the same dimes were found on the reservation at one point.

Now the one weird thing that makes me want to hold the phone and press rewind is during one of his interviews Mel asks Art Bell (Coast to Coast mang) if he has heard of the terraserver which was like Google Earth in the late 90's-00's. Listeners lurked it and saw a blank spot where Mel's property would have been!!!!! MOMMA MIA!!!



The last anyone has heard from Mel was in 2002. There are plenty more tidbits to this story that you can read here. Other people have tried searching for the hole but nothing has been found. So who knows if this is real but the terraserver thing is pretty freaky no? If this isn't real whoever made this story up should work in Hollywood because this story is AWESOME and way better than all these lazy remakes. Anyway, I want to believe there are giant scary holes in the world other than Paris Hilton's snatchola. And if I found one I would toss some things in it too such as:

• Ugg boots
• Crocs
• Men I've slept with
• Speidi
• Lil Kim's plastic surgeon
  

What would you throw into Mel's hole?

A Tail Too Many

I'm not sure what's more distracting, that vienna sausage wagging from this dude's back or that WICKED WOLF BLANKET IN THE BACKGROUND!!!



Anyways, this video is old but is still filled with a million giggles. It might even trigger some bad memories for some of you ladies but I pray not. Human embryos actually start off having these tails aka back dicks (what Mike likes to call them) then they are later absorbed by the body, except in these cases.



I really can't with these photos. SO RUDE AND LEWD. EVEN FOR ME!

Also, in 2006, thousands of people in India lined up to meet and worship a man with a 13 inch tail. This is where I'd make a joke saying "OKAY GURL BUT DO HE KNOW WHAT TO DO WIT DAT ANACONDA?!" but you guys know I'm better than that.

Source: this blog sent from dear Mikey

Me So Horny

Please feel free to enjoy the sound track to my 10th grade year of high school while reading this post.

Human horns aren't really a new a new phenomena. The earliest documented medical cases date back to the 1500’s and the London Museum has several human horns in their collection. In 1930, a Russian banker "discovered" a Manchurian farmer named Wang who sported a 13-inch protrusion on the back of his head. The Russian snapped a picture of Wang and sent it to Robert Ripley of ‘Believe It Or Not!’ fame. Ripley renamed him The Human Unicorn.


Amazing as it looks and sounds, Wang isn't alone in the world of human horns. In October 2007, 95-year-old Xiou Ling sprouted a 6½-inch horn and about a month later, 93-year-old Ma Zhong Nan showed the world the 4-inch horn growing on the top of his head.

The most recent and exciting Asian HORN is that of Marie Lodi's Zhang Ruifang's.


Zhang's HORN began growing on the left side of her forehead last year and it now measures 4" long. She says she feels no pain in the HORN and apparently something is now growing out of the right ride of her forehead too!

Hmmmm LOOKS LIKE ANOTHA HORN TO ME.

Zhang said she is "quite looking forward to when the matching one has grown a bit" and has refused offers to have them removed.

Growths like these are usually cutaneous horns, which are made of keratin, the same substance that fingernails are made of. These types of horns are usually harmless, unless you accidentally impale someone during a make out sesh.

When Fashion Meets Cryptozoology

Chanel Fall 2010.
Is Karl a fan of Kryptozoology?

Why You Fuckin' Wit Sasquatch?

Since I don't own a television or listen to the radio, I basically never know whats going on in the world of advertising and it seems like everyone and their mama has been enjoying Jack's Links SASQUATCH campaign except me!

While I think the commercials are HILLAR, the actual jerky product (which I saw for the first time yesterday) is no jokin' matter for me.

At first glance I thought M'LORD what IS this? Available in Angry or Happy flavor!? GETOUTAHERE! Ah, but once I turned the package around to take a peek at the clear window of jerky it was OVER. These Sasquatch meats looked like diarrhea encased in plastic to me and I REFUSE to get involved with any of this fuckery.

(sick)

I did however manage to find a loyal ACC follower who wanted to vent about his experience with these forbidden meats. Here is what he had to say:

Dear Crypto Lovin Truck Stop Snackers,

If you ever wanted to know what chorizo carpaccio tastes like, then buy yourself a 16" Sasquatch Bigstick, the pasty meat treat stuffed into a weird unnatural skin that leaves a waxy sour taste in your mouth...Mmmm!

The "Angry" flavor stick I tasted was more sad than angry and it was just an overall disappointment.

This was not at all what I imagined a Sasquatch stick would be like (no pun intended creeps!). I wanted a spicy and tough jerky but instead it was more like an unwrapped soggy Slim Jim fresh out of a pond.

The poor Sasquatches have been robbed of their manhood! The Crypto King has been duped into a

sour deal with a jerky company promoting a meat stick with the prowess of the ever illusive Bigfoot, when what we really get is a wet soft meat tube that's more Loch Ness than Skunk ape!

Please Jack's Links, if you want to advertise your product with a bad ass like Sasquatch, at least make the product spicy and angry...hell, I'll even take meaty and happy! Just give me SOMETHING.

So drop the Harry and the Henderson's suit and maybe try making something like a beef stick with the Jersey Devil on it that's so spicy it melts your balls off. Or maybe make a nacho flavored meat lollipop with the Chupacabra on the wrapper! Just be more clever and deliver the goods or better yet, pretend like you made the product and don't ever make it at all! At least this way I'll be out at a truck stop across the country looking for something that may or may not exist, only imaging how fucking awesome its gonna be when i find it!

More Angry that the Sasquatch Big Stick, 

- Nathaniol Jenkins

Well there you have it. If  you know what's best for your bod PLE STAY AWAY FROM DEM MEATS!

Please Pass The Butter and Lemon, Kind Sir

SAY WHAAAT!!!!!! Is this what Red Lobster looks like in heaven??

This strapping young lad, nicknamed CRABZILLA, is a Japanese Spider Crab and measures ten feet from claw to claw...and is still growing! He was caught by some fishermenz in the Pacific Ocean, then traveled to the UK to make his debut as thee biggest crab Britain has ever seen since Simon Cowell. Soon after, Crabzilla was welcomed to take residence at the National Sea Life Centre in Birmingham where a comfy bed made of rice and a kiddie pool filled with garlic butter awaited him. Only the best for our new star!

I'm not the only one with hungry eyes...look at that son of a betches face up there. He's probably already got a plastic bib in his back pocket ready to tie around his neck and get to grubbin'. Sigh. I love when there's weird oceanic creatures like this one because I will always make a "joke" about "eating them with garlic butter."

Source

Feed Me Seymour!

A new species of a carnivorous pitcher plant has recently been found in a remote mountain area of my motherland, the Philippines. The Nepenthes attenboroughii, named after David Attenborough, is so huge, even rodents can be devoured by the plant's flesh-eating enzymes. If only they found one even bigger that can eat my ex-boyfriends.

Sources: Times Online & MSNBC